18.

I've been up all night,

writing

poems in my head

not fit for paper--

perhaps not even

for my head.

The words that

fail to say--

well, anything

at all--

are just a waste

of time and

energy is nothing

more than burning

calories. You laugh

because you know

there's no other

reason to

keep on reading.

These words,

they are simply

nothing. Written down,

filling up space

to pass time.

Because it's

funny

we're both

still here.

17.

i woke today

to lean into myself

and learn to breathe

in steady rhythms

like the beats

that dig into

my knuckles

loose and chasing bends

in conversation (i try

to keep control)

but spin out past

the boundaries

landing where the branches

hold like father's fingers

(coincidence collides)

i grit my teeth

and breathe as

time reminds

and i wake to learn

into myself and lean

to breathe in steady

rhythms like the beats

that dive into my knees

loose and chasing

bends in concentration

16.

the concrete's cold
down here
loose pebbles dig
into my skin
into my elbows
as i lean
in and whisper
strong to you
hold on to truth
we're more than
the dirt we lie
in to prove
we're higher
than something
we can stand in
our suffering
we have a
whole world
to move
to its edges we'll run
broken into one
love will carry us
home

15.

jagged lines

break

time

break

skin

break

hearts

break

into

silence

maybe

pain

is better

felt

on

purpose

these

marks

bear

proof

of battles

lost

of being

crossed

over

into

waters

left

forgotten

to

sink

down

to the

bottom

and hope

some day

they'll

fade

and

we

will

still

remain

whole.

14.

in red

bright

moments

last breath

lingers

we cling

to memories

as death

clings to us

they take

the ground

we fought for

our fingers

limp we

lose our grip

and the light

holds on

to us

13.

in lines

we get

twisted

like lies

we get

tangled

and we

can't find

where one

ends

or begins

or which

ones

we

have already

crossed

in lines

we forget

where

we

came from

who

brought

us here

how we get

here

why we

got here

in lines

and so

lost

12.

As I wake up outside myself

Wake up into myself

Wake up into the outside of myself

I find myself shrink into

The inside

Sink into the outside

I find that I am

Found more in

The outside

Of who I am

11.

i'd rise

like the

tide

emotions

fly

fall

with

the moon

it took

too long

to prove

you've lost

me now

i'd come

back

down

to you

after

high noon

if only

i knew

which

shores

the washed

up hearts

come back

to

9.

its like

extra skin

i can't shake

i can't

strip from

my face

is this

who i am?

it's like

running

in dreams

as hard

as it

seems

i am

nowhere

it's like

sleeping

in late

waking up

to an

earthquake

is this

who i am?

or what i pretend

i am nowhere

i am nothing

without you.

10.

lately i've forgotten

what's behind the clouds

lately i've been sinking

into thoughts of doubt

lately i've been letting

other people down

but i took a trip to boston

and you should see me now

lately i've forgotten

just to turn around

lately i've been sinking

my bones into the ground

lately i've been letting

people bring me down

but i took a trip to boston

and you should see me now

i don't want to forget

that day i spent

with an angel in the room

i don't want to forget

that day i sat

down and cried for you

cuz...

lately i've forgotten

the lies that took whats true

lately i've been sinking

into something new

lately i've been letting

myself remember you

oh i took a trip to boston

boston changed my point of view

8.

I

find myself

in dust

particles

floating

in air

in the

shadows

of tall

trees

I

am

held in

together

by my

own tight

skin

by

looking

in to

who

I

am

7.

Maybe

if just once

I was the one up there

with the microphone

and perfect hair

talking about hunger

and natural disasters

Or maybe

if I was the

one in the front

who reached in my wallet

for a twenty

and was the very first

to come to the altar

Or perhaps

if I spoke

Spanish

or French

Or went to

chapel

on Thursday

nights

Or spent

more

time in

the Library

Or if I had

one of those

t-shirts

or a weekly

byline

Or maybe

just anything

with a name

on it

something

to belong to

someone to be

maybe then

it would be

easier

to breathe

?

6.

Sometimes breathing

is harder

than it looks.

Sometimes seeing

isn't just

having eyes open.

Sometimes hearing

takes more

than picking up vibrations.

Sometimes

its about quiet,

about looking at

yourself

when no one is around,

to tell you

you're better than

you think you are.

Sometimes its about

realizing

that love comes

with the pain

of realizing

breathing isn't easy

seeing is more than

just a look

and hearing takes more

than open ears.

Sometimes it's the

moments

when you realize

you're exactly

what you thought

you were,

that you breathe in,

seek for and long to hear

the sounds of hope,

the sounds of the ultimate

redemption,

of the only one

who makes

breathing

and

seeing

and

hearing

exactly what they are.

5.

If words were enough

I'd write them here

fingers flying

until thoughts

met paper

in a beautiful

unifying

sensations

of feeling

of emotions

mixed with

too much to

say and nothing

to explain the

truth of moments

bigger than

words and paper

big enough to fit

in a phrase

that means more

than the lines

that contain it

because if words

were enough

I would keep

on forever

but all I can

say is

I'm new.

4.

They say breaking up

is hard to do.

I suppose it is really,

even harder than

breaking down.

Breaking down

is no big deal,

maybe a little

undignified,

a little pride

lost, a little

coin toss

of who will

care or be

there or

where

you'll end

up when

you're done

crying (

everybody

knows you

cry when

you break

down)

But breaking up,

breaking up

is different

because I'm not

talking about the

kind of breakup

that happens

when you get

fed up with Bobby

and tell him you're

in different places

in your lives and

you'd be better off

in separate places.

I'm talking about

the kind of breaking up

that happens when you've

gotten to the point where breaking

is the only option, but unlike breaking down

you don't cry and carry on until you feel better

only to return to the place you've already been before

before you lost your sense of pride and couldn't take the

weight of trying to suppress the need to be held like children

get to be when they scrape their knee and run to their parents

no breaking up is different, it's more like realizing, it's not going to

be the same anymore, but you're not just going to sit there and cry

like you've fallen off your bike, you might cry, but different tears the

kind that tell you that you're getting somewhere, the kind that bring relief

the kind you cry when you're getting over something, so you cry and you breathe

and you breathe again and lift your head up, and you breathe again and wipe your eyes

and walk out of the room, with your head still up, and your heart still beating and your pride

still in tact, because maybe breaking up is hard to do, but point is simply, breaking up gets you up

3.

"Don't worry,

I understand."

It's 'cause it's easier.

It feels natural,

sort of like it used to.

"Don't worry,

I'd do the same thing."

At least that's what

I tell myself

when I'm too tired

to remember the

reasons I've tried

to reason with before.

"Don't worry,

I'll be fine."

Fine like that

small piece of metal

stuck between two

wheels that are

so close I'll

slowly disappear.

"Don't worry,

I'll be here."

Somewhere between

the shallow laughter

and the trying hard.

Somewhere between

the dark and light of

falling in and out of

sleep like late-night

conversation.

"Don't worry,

just....yeah."

2.

They spill from my lips,

my fingertips,

to fast to feel

the grip of

conscience, to

chip at my

nonsense.

don't worry

i'm just tired

i'll be alright

in the morning.

1.

Words have always been

my weakness,

my strength.

I stumble over them,

through them, in and

around them.

They comfort me

they bring me to

my knees.

My closest friend,

my strongest enemy.